Hi my name is [insert your name here] and I am a(n) [insert job title here]. How many times have you started introducing yourself and immediately mentioned your job? When was the last time you introduced yourself and can you remember what followed right after that? What label did you use to identify yourself? Was it your job? Your family status as a mom, funcle (fun-uncle)/fun auntie?
Even if you didn’t mention your job right away, how soon after do you still get around to it when someone hits you with the what do you do? Why is it that right after knowing someone’s name, knowing what they do has become the social default for what we deem important to know about someone?
Can we start practicing what we preach again? If we say we don’t live to work, can we then normalize introducing ourselves the way we did when we were younger? Can we get back into the habit of sharing our hobbies, core interests, or just fun facts? Or are we doomed to conform to a society that constantly pressures us to give ourselves pre-approved labels?
1. The Work Enigma
I get it. For most of us the 9-5 is the norm. We spend quite a large portion of our daily/weekly/monthly/yearly time in our jobs. So, for all intents and purposes, from a volume point of view, it is a large part of what we do. But that does not mean it gets to define all that we are? It should not mean that we are reduced to only that which we achieve within the scope of our work.
2. Society’s Impact on Defining Ourselves
Society’s Perception
It can be tricky to think of yourself as more than your job when society uses job titles as social currency. The right title and status can open doors for you that before seemed like just a distant dream. As a result of this social currency, we tend to judge others based not on who they are but our perception of what they do. Keep in mind that this perception and judgement stems from the perspective of the one perceiving you. It therefore has no merit to truly define you. So, while perception in our society may seem like reality it is just a well crafted lens that we all put on.
When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself.
– Wayne Dyer
Struggling to be authentic or quote on quote yourself in an age where trends are extremely predominant? Feeling as though you need to justify every step and thing you do? If you are labeled a certain way, then doing something that is not readily associated with that label can create a feeling of misalignment. Not only for you but also for those around you. You might be doing something that goes against the very label they have attached to you.
Limiting beliefs
That in its essence is the beautiful complexity of human beings. I do wonder, if we have become overly reliant on labels to explain who we are? Are we not more than the sum of the labels we attach to ourselves?
But honestly speaking, we really do not need to follow Calvin’s advice on this one. We don’t have to limit ourselves by the expectations of others. We especially do not need to let the fear of not living up to them hold us back. Quite often what others reflect back on to us are just their limiting beliefs of what they believe is possible based on how they perceive the world to work.
3. Who Are We Really?
What does it even mean to be yourself? And what is the big role that growing up or adulting plays in shifting our perspectives from childhood authenticity to grown-up conformity? This is where finding your purpose comes into play. The fact is we are already authentically ourselves as kids. Then we lose touch with this only to spend the better portion of the rest of our adult lives trying to rekindle our inner child and authentic selves. Can you imagine what we can achieve in life, if we manage to not lose sight while growing up of who we are?
4. Realigning With our Inner Child
We are our most honest, unfiltered and unapologetic selves as kids. Somewhere along the way of being kneaded and prepped for life as an adult, we lost sight of this and are not as readily able to move in alignment with our true selves.
Depending on who you ask, a big part of our life journeys revolves around finding purpose, achieving inner peace (serenity), finding happiness etc.. For some, one is not even possible without the other.
Perhaps then a big clue to finding your purpose is to realign with your inner child. To do something that not only makes you truly happy but also is authentically you. Could this mean that finding things that make or used to make you really happy as a child could be the key to finding your purpose in life?
I used to love creative writing as a child. For me it was a great way to express myself, let my imagination run wild and to relax. Even now as an adult the same still holds true. While it took me a long time to find my way back to creative writing, I was pleasantly surprised to see that the same positive outcomes still applied. Had I not tried to revisit these old activities, I would have never rediscovered the joys that writing provides me.
But what of the things we grow out of? Perhaps it is not about the actual activities but what those activities allowed you to do back then. In this case, it is about finding activities as an adult that enable you to achieve similar outcomes. Sounds like a pretty good place to start, if you ask me!
Takeaways
You are more than your job or your familial/marital status. Remember that next time you are gearing up to introduce yourself to someone. If you hold out on telling someone about what you do, what can you tell them instead about yourself? Take the time to define yourself by more than just your job, because you are more than that. If we say we are, then it’s about time we act like it as well, down to our interactions with others.
In the process of defining yourself, look inwards and align with your inner child to understand what is authentically you and makes you truly happy. What was it back then and what is it now that brings you in complete alignment, past and present?
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“Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself.”
– Harvey Fierstein
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