Honestly, it is a miracle that we even manage to get around. No, I am not talking about your weight, rather that long list of things you intend to do that you mentally drag with you everywhere that you go. Be honest with yourself, we’ve all been there. Looking around our rooms and everywhere we look is a reminder of ‘I promise, I’ll get around to it’ things.
That stack of unread books or that dusty yoga mat, can you already feel the defensive guilt bubbling up? You really do mean to get around to it, I know… just not today. Not while you’re this tired. But here’s the catch: we aren’t necessarily holding onto clutter; we’re holding onto the versions of ourselves we haven’t had the time, energy, or mental bandwidth to become yet.
By keeping these “somedays” pinned to your mental dashboard, you’re never actually resting. Every unread book on the nightstand, every “aesthetic” gym gadget, and every “someday” project folder is a silent to-do list staring us in the face. You think you’re in sleep mode, but you’re actually running a thousand background processes for a life you aren’t even currently living.
What is a Good Intentions Hoarder?
A Good Intentions Hoarder is someone who collects the tools for a better life without ever finding the space to actually live it.
Think of it in terms of one of my favourite games, The Sims. It’s like being in “Build Mode” and buying your Sim a high-end easel, a telescope, and a treadmill all at once. You have great plans for them to paint, to stargaze or even to get fit! But then you switch back to “Live Mode” and realize their “Energy” bar is in the red, and they’re just standing in the kitchen crying because they don’t have the RAM to process all those commands. Yikes!
We aren’t lazy. We are just over-leveraged on our own potential.
A seed cannot grow if the soil is packed too tightly with stones. Those stones might be beautiful – intentions to travel, to learn. to do – but if there are too many, the roots of the ‘Current Self’ have nowhere to go.
-Anonymous
The Graveyard of Unfulfilled Intentions
If we aren’t careful, our minds can quickly become a graveyard where intentions go to die. We bury our dreams under “I’ll do it when I’m less busy” headstones, creating a mental cemetery filled with abandoned sourdough starters, half-learned languages, and business ideas that never actually saw the sun.
There’s a powerful, slightly haunting concept, inspired by the philosopher Howard Thurman and popularized by speakers like Les Brown, that asks us to imagine our final moments. Picture yourself on your deathbed, surrounded by the ghosts of the ideas, talents, and dreams that were uniquely yours. They aren’t there to comfort you; they’re looking at you with heavy eyes, saying, “We came to you, and only you could have given us life. Now we have to die with you forever.”
The wealthiest place on the planet is the graveyard, because there you will find the inventions that were never exposed, the books that were never written, and the potential that was never realized.
— Les Brown (Inspired by Thurman)
Giving Howard Thurman His Flowers
Thurman famously reminded us: “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it.” But let’s be real, how can we possibly “come alive” when we’re being haunted by the “shoulds” of a thousand unfinished projects?
Thurman also spoke about the “sound of the genuine” in each of us. When we view our lives from that third-person perspective; hovering over our existence like a player in The Sims; we realize that our “genuine” frequency is currently being drowned out by static. Making room for the version of us that is actually alive means we have to stop hoarding “potential” and start clearing the cemetery.
There is something in every one of you that waits and listens for the sound of the genuine in yourself. It is the only true guide you will ever have. And if you cannot hear it, you will all of your life spend your days on the ends of strings that somebody else pulls.
— Howard Thurman
The “Background Process” Tax
Whether you work in data, marketing, or any corner of the digital world, you know that systems need optimization to run smoothly. But we often forget to optimize our own internal OS.
In computer terms, these unfinished intentions are background processes. You might think you’re resting on the couch, but your brain is still running the code for those unfulfilled goals in the background. Your mental “Activity Monitor” is spiking because:
- That yoga mat in the corner is a background task drawing power.
- That half-finished online course is a memory leak.
- The “to-read” pile is a pending system update you keep hitting “Remind Me Later” on.
Why We Experience “Functional Freeze”
Ever felt so overwhelmed by everything you ‘should’ be doing that you end up paralyzed? That’s Functional Freeze or Analysis Paralysis. It isn’t a lack of discipline; it’s a lack of available RAM. We feel exhausted because we are subconsciously managing a backlog of a thousand projects we aren’t actually working on. We are “frozen” because our internal processor is at 99% capacity just maintaining the idea of who we should be.
The Intention-Action Gap
We’ve all heard that “the road to hell is paved with good intentions,” but if we’re being honest, that “hell” is really just the quiet, exhausting frustration of a life filled with “somedays.” In behavioral science, this is called, the Intention-Action Gap, but we can just call it the “Build Mode” trap. It’s the misleading concept where merely intending to do something gives us a tiny hit of dopamine, tricking our brains into thinking we’ve actually made progress. In reality, we’re just stacking up more stones on a path that doesn’t lead anywhere, leaving us stuck in a loop of “I really mean to” while our actual lives stay on pause.
The New Year Strategy: How to “Force Quit” and Reclaim Your Life
Moving forward, let’s choose to “Force Quit” the background programs. It’s time to move away from the 100% “intended” version of our lives (which only exists in our heads) and embrace a 60% real version.
Here is how we can start clearing our cache:
1. Prioritize Simple Rituals Over Complex Systems
Stop trying to install a heavy “12-step morning routine” software. It crashes the system every time. Instead, try one tiny, high-impact habit. For example, something as simple as drinking hot water can be a game-changer. It’s a low-barrier task that helps shed “stress-weight” simply because it’s a win you can actually achieve every single day.
2. One Consistent Routine > A Dozen “Somedays”
In a world of targeted ads telling us we need more to be more, the most radical thing you can do is limit your inventory. Pick one thing to do at 100% rather than ten things you “intend” to do at 10%.
3. Clear the Surface, Clear the Mind
Clearing a desk or a kitchen counter isn’t about being a neat freak; it’s about clearing the cache. When your physical environment is neutral, your brain can focus its RAM on the task at hand rather than being distracted by the “stones” of unfulfilled intentions scattered around the room.
Takeaways
Stop Architecting, Start Living
We need to stop being the architects of a life we aren’t actually living. It’s okay to “delete the someday files” to make room for your “right now reality.” True self-improvement isn’t about how many projects you start; it’s about how much mental RAM you free up by letting go of the things you aren’t actually doing.
The “Sims” Perspective on Self-Care
If you were looking at your life from a third-person perspective, like a player hovering over a Sim, you wouldn’t be mad at them for not being “perfect.” You’d just want them to get their mood bar back into the green. Usually, that doesn’t require a new hobby or a resurrected dream; it requires a nap, a clean counter, and a little bit of grace.
The 60% Shift Strategy
To beat Functional Freeze/Analysis Paralysis, move away from the 100% “intended” life and embrace the 60% real version. By clearing the “stones” of unfulfilled intentions, you finally allow the “sound of the genuine” in you to grow.
Final Food for Thought: What “background process” is slowing down your system today? Which “ghost” of a dream is taking up your available RAM without giving you anything in return?
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“We spend so much time in ‘Build Mode’ designing a life for a version of ourselves that doesn’t exist, that we forget to actually press play on the life we have.”
— The Millennial State of Happiness
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The Millennial State of Happiness 